What do you do to strengthen yourself against moral failure?
Personal growth in the Word and prayer…Abiding in Christ
Avoiding situations that are weaknesses
Accountability partner to ask the tough questions
Accountability partners (first acknowledge the need)
Separate ourselves from a damaging situation
Make the commitment
Spiritual preparation
Keep marriage strong and communicate
Accountability groups both pastors and others within the church
Meet with other men that they can be transparent with outside the church
Give your spouse the right to ask the hard questions
Trust your spouse to recognize potential hot spots
Self awareness understanding who we are and how that factors in
Keep your schedule in control
Avoid pornography (e.g. TV commercials with explicit images)
Remember effects of other’s previous failures
Spend time in fellowship with other Christians- accountability partners- group meets weekly with 9 standard questions asked
Decide up front- be proactive in deciding to flee and not give fellowship to evil
Assess your life at points- direction
Accountability with spouse
Recognize and admit falling is a possibility
Pray God will up my desire for my spouse
Accountability with a mentoring couple
Establish spiritual discipline and good marital boundaries
Going to marriage encounter weekends routinely
Meet regularly with other couples you are accountable to
Communication with spouse openly
Have an accountability network
Avoid “us-alone” time
Keep the door open
Always leave yourself an “out”- a way out
State your boundaries and live with them
Find ways to satisfy my longings
More Direct-light= smaller shadow temptations lose their power, when thou art high
Don’t get to tired—it’s when you are most vulnerable
Keep thoughts and hands to yourself
Remember long range consequences of sin
Watch what you read, watch on T.V.
Never counsel with a woman by yourself…ask counselor to bring a person along to pray
God is always watching…He is always present
Have an accountability group or person
Make certain your spouse knows where you are and when you will be home
Determine it’s never okay to do something that is immoral
Admit the reality of immoral behavior
Include spouse
Proactive
Transformation/ Communion with the Lord
Spend time in the Word
Be aware of where you are weak
Protect yourself when counseling opposite sex by making sure others are in the building
Communication between husband and wife
Marriage conferences
Avoid compromising situations
Keep from being overworked
See the consequences
Intentional searching for answers, ways to keep myself pure
Accountability partners in local congregations, in district, outside the denomination—asking each other questions about relationship with spouse; etc. with the big question being, “Have you told me the truth?”
Websites to go to for prevention (and other preventive resources)
Counsel women with the door open
Be aware that, “That could be me.”
Attend “Marriage Life Conferences”
Stay in the Bible, steer clear of compromising situations, accountability groups, serious prayer, know people- sensitive (how emotional, etc.), watch out for Satan’s working, be on guard, counsel from wife
Keep from situations where failing is possible
Accountability partner(s)
Keep close to God—be careful of business
Aware of your vulnerability
Make decisions ahead of time
Take vows seriously
Be intimate with God
Stay out of compromising situations
Be prepared
What can your fellow pastors do to help you maintain integrity in your personal life and avoid moral failures?
Pray for each other
Ask the hard questions and to sense when something is wrong (leading of the spirit)
Be available
Be transparent
Prayer support
Trust and confidentiality
Willingness to be disciplined
Call periodically to ask how are you doing
Begin with relationships and has to be because you want to
Safe ground
Help us be accountable without passing judgment
Honest with each other and ourselves
Share their experiences/ failures/ solutions
Be genuine/ real/ truthful
Have relationships established with other pastors before problems come and with people who are not in your congregation
Being safe and nonjudgmental
Asking one another the hard questions
Develop trusting relationships with people in the church
Don’t let one another be isolated
Have friendships and accountability groups
Pray for each other—prayer partners
A few (1-2) good men
Hold each other accountable
Find someone who is not really impressed with you and have them lay it on the line
Open accountability
Don’t restrict to pastors
Find someone who makes you accountable for prayer and sharing regularly
Confrontation and accountability—talk about issues of integrity with each other
Spend more time with other pastors and spouses to keep from being isolated
Focus on who we are not what we do
We have to be able to trust each other
Accountability partners
Give someone (including spouse) your password to have someone check your email
Share honestly what a mess life is as well as how good life is
Be open and vulnerable with each other
Provide a safe place for open discussion and sharing
Bounce things off other pastors
Support/accountability groups—open sharing
Confidentiality
Spouses be available for support
Pasturing—lonely time—need more pastor friends
Find another pastor friend out of the denomination
Do we trust our fellow pastors?
Take off the masks
Be honest
Learn to accept and forgive
Trust each other
What role should the offending pastor take in restoration?
Different failures would require the role a pastor took depending on the type of failure
Responsibility for actions
Spirit of humility
Receive counseling
Maintain hope
Share their testimony
Use the brokenness to God’s glory
Submissive role
Humility
Taking responsibility
Become transparent with the congregation
Balance of brokenness, confession, and reception of forgiveness
Own up to what happened in appropriate ways to the appropriate people and be willing to hear what the effects were on the others involved
Accept the consequences
Step out of pastoral role for a season
Open self to correction
Submit self to authority of the church
Admit and confess sin, take risks
Being vulnerable
Admit fault and be willing to repent
The offending pastor/person must first meet prerequisite for restoration
Honesty—willingness vs. willfulness
Ask, “What is going to happen to me beyond this point?”
Pastor should seek out someone for answers
Has to confess both to God and others, have a humble spirit
Confession and repentance
Examine factors that led to offense
Owning up to it—mandatory counseling,
Repentance in order for restoration to take place
Willingness to be vulnerable
Be repentant—not blaming others
Take responsibility, show remorse
Ask what did you base your standard on?
Take responsibility for it—“I was wrong.”—repentance
Confession—repentance—seek help
Full confession
Acceptance of disciple in love not punishment—humility
What role should pastors take in restoring a pastor after a moral failure? What role should the local congregation play? NOC? The Brethren Church as a whole? Counseling agencies? Para-church organization?
Being loving, confronting, (chewing out), extending Grace
Be open, forgiving, accepting, “There but the Grace of God go I.”
Pastor- loving, counseling, humility, prayer, forgiveness, nonjudgmental….Congregation- give what they would want in restoration….NOC- accountability and oversight for process of restoration, evaluation….Brethren Church- provide options and resources, counseling, communicate these resources better, who do we call??
Matthew 18 with Galatians 6 attitude…Go with them alone even if we just suspect or see red flags
Need a plan to restore but need to even more proactive (NOC/NABCE)
Someone to help give counsel to local congregations…how to restore
Communicate to pastors resources available in the restoration process
We need to show them love and love them back into the Kingdom
Pray for one another
We should learn to know the hurting person and love him. Find a good Christian counselor to resolve the issues behind the moral lapse
Support
Church must be a place of refuge of forgiveness
Offer counseling
Pastors- availability/ access
NOC- review cases—offering direction…probation period
Develop a process of restoration
Presently, restoration takes place through the district but that doesn’t seem to be functioning well through most districts. It can be done…we can do a better job.
The Benevolence Committee could possibly help with expenses for those receiving help
Spend more time, effort, and energy on establishing relationships to establish a basis for prevention
Other Pastors- foundation, go with humility to restore….Congregation can pastor the pastor—forgive….NOC- do not need to be involved….National Office- Dave Cooksey….Counseling- sure
Pastor- acceptance, tough love, prayer with and for, be there….Congregation- learn to love
