“We can’t out-teach what you teach at home. We’re not that good.”
This warning from student ministry pastor Dr. David Fraze to the parents of his congregation during a recent sermon captures the impact parents have on their children’s faith formation. As a Sticky Faith Cohort church, Fraze is highlighting for his congregation what research consistently indicates: teenagers’ faith tends to mirror the faith of their parents.
And their grandparents.
In the midst of our Sticky Faith research and resources, we at FYI are becoming more and more interested in understanding and maximizing grandparents’ impact on teenagers. Part of that is because of how many grandparents show up at our Sticky Faith events, just as eager for ideas to help build faith in kids as parents
But even more important is some recent research highlighting the enormous impact of grandparents on this generation of young people. Consider the following data from Dr. Vern Bengtson from the University of Southern California:
As a result of these and other cultural factors, Bengtson and his team conclude that “Gen Xers and Millenials will have greater involvement with their grandparents…than any previous generation of grandchildren in American history.” 1
That involvement translates into religious influence. According to Bengtson, grandparents can take one of three paths in their religious influence:
As the second and third paths indicate, sometimes the faith of grandparents actually “skips” a generation as grandchildren end up following in their faith footsteps despite parents’ choices to walk away from faith.
Other recent research highlights the unique power of family stories.
If we could sit down over coffee, I might share with you about my grandfather’s garbage disposal that created a cascade of garbage in their backyard. Or the time my mom cheated my dad out of the last piece of See’s candy. These were some of my favorite stories growing up. I loved hearing them—again and again.
I’m not alone. Most kids love hearing stories of family members’ past experiences. Recent research indicates that children who know more about their family’s narratives also tend to do better emotionally. Here’s a description of some recent findings described in a New York Times article:
The more children knew about their family’s history, the stronger their sense of control over their lives, the higher their self-esteem and the more successfully they believed their families functioned…
(Researchers) developed a measure called the “Do You Know?” scale that asked children to answer 20 questions. Examples included: Do you know where your grandparents grew up? Do you know where your mom and dad went to high school? Do you know where your parents met? Do you know an illness or something really terrible that happened in your family? Do you know the story of your birth?
As it turns out, the “Do You Know?” scale was the best single predictor of children’s emotional health and happiness in their study. Knowing a family narrative is also linked to positive identity formation and kids’ ability to show resilience toward stress.
Given our Sticky Faith findings about the power of intergenerational relationships, our team was especially struck by this conclusion: “Dr. Duke said that children who have the most self-confidence have what he and Dr. Fivush call a strong ‘intergenerational self.’ They know they belong to something bigger than themselves.”
Now let’s be honest. Who knows family stories better than grandparents?
To help families and leaders leverage the influence of grandparents, with the launch of Sticky Faith FYI decided to ask grandparents who are part of the Fuller community and walking this Sticky Faith journey to share their best ideas to build Sticky Faith in their grandkids. We originally posted over 40 ideas but we’ve distilled the list to 20 FYI Favorites for grandparents.
On a personal note, I don’t remember the last writing assignment that has brought me to tears as many times as this article has. Maybe it’s because my own grandparents were part of the village that raised me. Perhaps it’s because Dave and I feel so blessed by the way our parents are investing in our three kids’ lives. Or maybe it’s just because I have a soft spot for connecting kids and senior adults.
Whatever the reason, we hope these ideas are a catalyst to help you live out the wise words of one grandfather we interviewed: “The bottom line is TIME—our grandkids just want to spend time with us.”
Ideas that can be done any day, any time
Ideas for grandparents who live far away
Ideas for vacations or extended time together
Kara Powell
Kara Powell, Ph.D., is the Executive Director of the Fuller Youth Institute (FYI) and a faculty member at Fuller Theological Seminary. As a youth ministry veteran of over 20 years, she serves as an Advisor to Youth Specialties and is the author or co-author of a number of books including Sticky Faith, Essential Leadership, Deep Justice Journeys, Deep Justice in a Broken World, Deep Ministry in a Shallow World, and the Good Sex Youth Ministry Curriculum