What To Do When You Mentor Someone

Growing Leaders founder and president, Tim Elmore speaks about mentoring:

LeaderTip #12: What To Do When You Mentor Someone


At Growing Leaders, we’ve decided to post a helpful article each week continuing through the summer on our blog page, geared especially for student leaders. You can expect it on Fridays. They’ll contain practical tips for leading meetings, communicating a vision, choosing priorities, dealing with difficult peers, bossing your calendar, effective planning and more. You can find today’s tip below. If you like it, it’s our gift to you and your students. Feel free to copy it for each of your student leaders as a discussion guide that will equip them to be more healthy leaders. Also, click on “Free Resources” to view and download the growing library of Leader Tips on a special page of our site. This is a page just for young leaders to practice great leadership. Feel free to have your students look for it, all summer as they anticipate leading this fall. Enjoy.


I have been privileged to lead mentoring communities each year since 1979. I have mentored groups of high school students, college students, twenty-somethings, athletic directors and coaches, and mid-life executive leaders.


As I observe the art of mentoring around the country, I’ve noticed that most mentoring initiatives go “south” and eventually for one of two reasons: they are over-programmed or under-programmed. By this I mean they either become too structured and kill the life and excitement out of the relationship, or they provide no structure and they simply turn into chatting about current events and never push anyone to grow. Below, I will summarize what I do to balance these two extremes.


The Focus of a Mentor


Student leaders and staff members engaged in mentoring report the following five items define an effective mentor’s role:

  1. Identify and capitalize on strengths. Spend time talking about and assessing the primary gifts, talents, skill set and knowledge that your mentee possesses.
  2. Inspire and develop character. Spend time talking about, developing and practicing strong ethics, values, and disciplines that provide a moral compass to the mentee.
  3. See and evaluate potential blind spots. Spend time helping them recognize their personal areas where their self-awareness is low and if not checked, could sabotage the mentee.
  4. Clarify areas of focus. Spend time enabling them to say “no” to good activities so they can say “yes” to the best activities that will consume their time.
  5. Close the gap between potential and performanceIn the end, the number one job of a mentor should be to equip mentees to reach their fullest potential; to become the best version of themselves.


What the Mentoring Community Does Over the Course of a Year:


  1. Once I determined who will be in the group, we participate in a weekend retreat together, to get acquainted and to set an expectation for the year.
  2. We meet once a month for discussion, accountability and to support each other. Our meeting lasts about three hours. Participants are to be punctual. If one person can’t make it they call everyone else and we often s
    imply don’t meet that month.
  3. We read one book a month and discuss it in our meetings. I suggest a list of books and allow the group to give me feedback if they wish to add or delete.
  4. We discuss a major topic, in which the book compliments, and I offer insights for them reflect upon as they grow in a given area.
  5. We agree to apply what we’ve learned in a specific “homework” assignment that corresponds to the topic of the month.
  6. We hold each other accountable to practice what we talked about in each meeting. This means we begin each meeting by reflecting on how well we embodied the topic.
  7. At the conclusion of the year, we meet again for a special dinner for a time of celebration, reflection and application. Each shares who they will mentor and in what capacity they will lead, going forward.


It is amazing how life-changing this kind of experience is for leaders. Some have told me it is the single most impacting experience they’ve ever had. Most have never been mentored and most want to mentor others, once they know how.


For a practical encyclopedia on the subject, check out the book, Life Giving Mentors on our website: www.GrowingLeaders.com


Questions for Reflection

  1. How do you currently host your mentoring meetings? What do you focus on?
  2. What is one missing element in your current mentoring meetings?
  3. From the list above, “The Focus of a Mentor” which do you practice best? Worst?
By Steven Longenecker April 23, 2025
By the rude bridge that arched the flood, Their flag to April’s breeze unfurled, Here once the embattled farmers stood, And fired shot heard round the world. “Concord Hymn,” Ralph Waldo Emerson, 1836. This is true. The American Revolution was transformative. One hundred years later, poet James Russell Lowell celebrated the modest span as “era-parting.” As the Concord militia ran across the bridge chasing retreating redcoats, they ran from one era into another. This is also true. The United States was the first government founded on the principle that “all men are created equally.” To be sure, this noble concept was very imperfectly implemented, but nobody else, certainly not European monarchies, even pretended to believe it. On April 19 we rightly celebrate the 250th anniversary of Concord, the beginning of a war that led to American independence. But there’s more. The first shots were not fired across Emerson’s “rude bridge” but on Lexington Common. Here three British companies faced the village militia. Major John Pitcairn, the British commander, ordered the Massachusetts men to disperse. The militia captain, John Parker, seeing that his men were significantly outnumbered, ordered them to break ranks and leave. But before they could, somebody—we still don’t know who—shot, and the British spontaneously responded with heavy fire. Then, again without orders, they charged, shooting and bayoneting, including the wounded. Historians disagree over whether British officers encouraged the melee or futilely screamed for order. Almost certainly, however, redcoats cut down fleeing militiamen. It was more massacre than battle. This atrocity, not Emerson’s “shot heard round the world,” inaugurated a lengthy, difficult, brutal war. The War for Independence lasted eight years, the longest conflict in American history until Vietnam and now fourth behind Afghanistan, Iraq, and Vietnam. Civilians were targeted, casualties high, and prisoners, when taken, treated inhumanely. Lexington wasn’t the only time in the war when wounded and surrendering soldiers were assaulted; both sides did it, but more often the British. As people of faith remember Lexington and Concord, they can find three takeaways. 1. Injustice creates conflict. Identifying wrongs inflicted upon us comes naturally, but the call is to recognize injustice felt by others. The colonists had legitimate grievances: They were unrepresented in Parliament and taxed without their consent, a fundamental injustice. Logically, they demanded self-government. For ignoring American complaints, Imperial leadership lost some of its most valuable colonies, and its military endured high casualties. The lesson is that release for the captives and freedom for the oppressed are both the right thing to do—"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness”—and pragmatic because of the problems they solve. 2. Similarly, bad things happen when people stop listening to each other. Mostly, this falls again on the British. Even a few months after Lexington and Concord, independence was still not mainstream among Americans, who probably would have accepted something short of full sovereignty. How might the history of the British Empire evolved if it had listened and applied the Golden Rule? Tone-deafness cost the British severely. Likewise, may we remember that most arguments have two sides. The Empire’s anger over the extensive property damage caused by the Boston Tea Party feels legitimate. Refusal to concede that the other side has a point or two often has significant practical cost, in this case further widening the breach between the Empire and its seaboard colonies. This is not to say that Jesus compromised his values, but he lunched with tax collectors and sinners and, presumably, listened. 3. Wars are easier to start than to stop. This includes labor (strikes) and trade wars. The great conflict that started on Lexington Green lasted much longer than anybody thought. In fact, there was little deliberation. Tensions escalated and anger boiled until violence erupted, and once the floodgates of war opened, it took eight years and rivers of blood spilled before they closed. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they are not only the children of God but, in practice, they rescue society and, especially, innocents from the suffering of war. In the long run society is best served by peace (and justice). Do justice, listen, and make peace: Put together, these lessons from Lexington are foundation stones of Christian behavior, and they equip Brethren to be the salt of the earth in tumultuous times. Steve Longenecker is Professor of History, emeritus, at Bridgewater College (VA). Photo by Donovan Reeves on Unsplash
By Scott Soden April 23, 2025
On Saturday, April 5th, churches and representatives from across the Southeast Region of The Brethren Church gathered at Windhaven Church in Mount Jackson, VA, for a powerful day of fellowship, prayer, and storytelling. Over 75 attendees, including 25 enthusiastic youth from several churches, came together to celebrate and share inspiring stories of how God is transforming their communities and responding to the urgent need for hope, love, and connection in these divided times. The gathering was a flurry of activity. Here are some of the highlights: During the morning, the youth poured themselves into a community service project; they assembled water bottles with socks, other essential items, and snacks for local homeless shelters. Chyann Mackey and Laura Waldron (Both of Mount Olive Brethren Church, McGaheysville, VA) shared their excitement about preparations for this summer's camp, now under the new name: Kairos! Their palpable enthusiasm left attendees eager to witness how God will use this initiative. Pastor Don White (St. James Brethren Church, Fairplay, MD) shared a powerful message about the importance of experiencing God's presence and living in both spirit and truth. St. James is growing and actively engaging in local ministry initiatives, primarily through the Women's Missionary Society (WMS) groups from collaborating churches—truly a remarkable story worth sharing. Sara Moore (Saint James Brethren Church) emphasized Brethren Academy's vital connection to the region and showcased current and former students who now serve as mentors or in ministry within their local churches. Looking for ways to grow your youth in Christ? Check out Camp Kairos, Engage Youth Conference (both this summer), and Brethren Academy this fall! Valerie and Micah Ceary from the Gathering Church (Hagerstown, MD) and Joe and Katie Turner shared updates through videos about their new church plants in Maryland, which are advancing in unique ways throughout the region. Pastor Lee Reams (Compass Community Church) highlighted his church's summer sports outreach they put on in cooperation with Eukarya Christian Academy in Stephens City, VA. Read more about it at https://www.brethrenchurch.org/compass-community-wraps-up-summer-sports-outreach . Pastor Todd Crowder and the team at Maurertown Brethren Church (Maurertown, VA) are inspiring witnesses through their work with inner-city kids. Hearing Todd's journey—starting with one child in his truck and expanding as kids sought connection and fellowship—was uplifting. Pastor Kent McKay (Canvas Community Church, Winchester, VA) discussed the importance of vision and mission in the recent merger. Canvas Community Church was formed from the merger of Canvas Church, a local non-denominational church, and our own Grace Community Church in late 2022. Now, less than three years later, a full one-third of the new congregation are new members to their congregation and were not part of either Canvas or Grace Community. This remarkable statistic is a testament to the efficacy of their outreach and the work of God in Winchester. Pastor Brad Reaves showed a video highlighting the impactful work in Guinea-Bissau, where they partner with One Child to use the Bridgely App to fund children's schooling. Additional highlights included a recap of the recent Regional Women's Retreat, celebrated as a resounding success, and updates from the Gathering Church in Winchester, VA on their substantial outreach to local homeless shelters as they celebrate their fourth anniversary this Palm Sunday. Pastor Simon Flint spoke about their Toddler-Time outreach at Muskoka Community Church in Huntsville, Ontario, Canada, which positively impacts mothers and families during the cold winter. Pastor Dave Stone shared in a video update how Sarasota First Brethren Church is recovering after Hurricane Milton damaged its building (read more about that at https://www.brethrenchurch.org/nappanee-brethren-repair-hurricane-damage ). During that same update, Dave Stone noted that their facility is used by seven Narcotics Anonymous and Alcoholics Anonymous groups every week. What an extraordinary array of stories! God is surely at work, using the Brethren Church in remarkable ways. Please share the good news of what God is up to in your church and community at our MemoryFox page . We look forward to sharing more inspiring stories from your region as well!
By Dan Acker April 15, 2025
A Legacy of Faith and a New Chapter: First Brethren Church Celebrates Pastor Roger Stogsdill's Retirement and Welcomes New Leadership
By Dan Acker April 15, 2025
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By Scott Soden April 9, 2025
On Sunday, March 23, the Brethren Church in Cay Pombo, Philippines gathered as usual to lift their hearts and hands in praise and worship to God, their Father. Yet that day was far more than a typical Sunday; it was a joyous celebration of God’s goodness and all He has accomplished in the church during its first full year of ministry. “As we celebrated our 1st anniversary, we're reminded that God has a plan to prosper us and give us a hope and a future. We're excited to see how He will continue to work in the lives of many through the JOFF (Jesus Our Firm Foundation) Cay Pombo Church. We've seen God move in amazing ways. We've witnessed lives transformed, relationships built, and how Jesus moves in everyone's lives, and yet, we know that this is just the beginning. We're trusting God to guide and direct us always. To God be all the glory! Happy anniversary, JOFF Cay Pombo!  As we celebrate this first year of ministry and Kingdom growth, may this moment inspire the church here in the United States and around the world to boldly witness for Jesus in our neighborhoods, communities, and nations. Amen!!! Scott Soden Coordinator, Brethren Global Partners
By Paul Lattimer April 9, 2025
Hey everybody! It's been a couple years since ChristCore Brethren Church went on hiatus, and I wanted to share a brief but exciting update. I've felt the Lord stirring in my heart over the past year to try starting it again. ChristCore went on hiatus and we downshifted heavily after Alexander Stillion, one of our members, passed away in a motorcycle accident. Quite honestly, I was depressed and didn't want to keep doing this plant without my friend. During this time, Terry Hofecker and Josh Coffee, pastors of Agora Church in Columbus, Ohio, were gracious and gave Micaela and I a "landing place" while ChristCore paused. Now, we sense the Lord is calling us to pilot the ship once again, and I am excited to both share and ask for your prayer support as we relaunch ChristCore! We held our first new gathering on Friday, March 2 and hosted 7 adults and 2 kids (OTHER than Micaela, myself, and our kids). During our time, we had a Bible study on part of Matthew 5, lyric discussion of the Christian Metalcore song “Immortal” by War of Ages, and shared prayer requests and praises and prayed with each other. Thank you for your prayer support!!! Praise the Lord! Paul Lattimer Pastor, ChristCore Brethren Church 
By Scott Soden April 1, 2025
On Sunday, March 16, 2025, the small congregation at the church in Lima went to a local beach for a very special time of transformation and celebration. Here is what Pastor Luis Angel has to say about the day's events: “Our church recently celebrated the baptism of four members. Franz and Bertha, who have been part of our congregation for several years, had not previously been baptized due to various circumstances. Leslie, Franz's girlfriend, and Luca, a young leader in our church, are newer members who decided to take the step of faith during their discipleship journey. Initially, Luca's baptism was scheduled for July 2024, but due to my motorcycle accident we had to postpone the ceremony. We decided to reschedule for the summer when the weather is more conducive. Franz and Leslie joined the discipleship program during the waiting period, followed by sister Bertha a month ago. All four will continue their discipleship classes, deepening their spiritual roots and developing their gifts for service.” Let us joyfully celebrate the incredible work God is doing through our partners in Peru and across the globe!  Scott Soden Coordinator; Brethren Global Partners
By Scott Soden March 19, 2025
Sunday, March 2, 2025, was a very special day at Bet-El Church (Brethren Church) in Santiago, Chile! Your partners celebrated together the act of faith and renewal in baptisms, where six brothers and sisters took an essential step in their Christian walk. It was a time of joy, excitement, and spiritual fulfillment as we saw Jesus’ mandate, “Go and make disciples of all nations,” fulfilled. The day of transformation continued through the afternoon as the congregation celebrated all that God is doing in their community through the love and sacrifice of Jesus and the power of the Holy Spirit. Follow this link to see the video recap of the event, which relives the most significant moments of this special day. Thank you for being a part of this community of faith and the Brethren movement worldwide! We especially thank and pray for Pastor Carlos Quiroga and Pastor Zulema Zagal, who shared the blessings of this amazing moment in the church with us! Scott Soden Coordinator; Brethren Global Partners
By Scott Soden February 26, 2025
Praise, Prayer, and Provision in India! The Brethren Church in India has been very busy these last few months with the ongoing work of the ministry. Although it doesn’t snow in India, this time of year brings rainy weather and cooler temperatures. Thanks to your generosity, Nirmala was able to purchase blankets, towels, and other necessities for the children at the orphanage. These gifts mean more than you can imagine to those who possess very little. Now, the children can feel assured of staying warm and dry during the cooler months. Sudhir has been making trips around the region to meet with many Brethren, pastors, and congregations. He and his wife, Latha, often bring words of encouragement and love during their visits. In Rajahmundry, Nirmala and the leaders held a special day of praise and prayer on January 26th. Many from the community joined in the event, singing and worshiping the Lord for His provision, mercy, and grace. Prayer filled the church throughout the day, with many people on their knees. These prayers were not only for the church and the local community but also for you! They prayed for the awakening of the church worldwide, for repentance, and that everyone would find hope and life in Jesus through the power of the Holy Spirit. What a testimony to all that God continues to do with and through His people around the world! Scott C. Soden Coordinator; Brethren Global Partners
By Laura Waldron, Chyann Mackey February 19, 2025
The first annual Camp Kairos Winter Camp, held at Potomac Park in Falling Waters, WV, from January 17th to 19th, was a resounding success. Attendance exceeded expectations, with over 120 attendees in 3rd through 12th grades representing six different churches (Compass, The Gathering, Oak Hill, St. James, Liberty, and Mt. Olive). New friends were made, old friends reconnected, and everyone looked forward to a wonderful weekend together.  Camp Kairos’s theme was "ONE," based on Philippians 1:27, how we are one mind, body, and spirit in Christ. This theme was the thread that tied the weekend's activities and worship services together. Amanda Carriere and Brandon Hartle (both of St. James) shared messages with the campers, and Lee Reams (Compass) and the Compass Youth Praise band led the camp in worship. Afterward, our elementary campers would dig deeper into the message with a Bible video and discussion. Campers were divided into small groups for hands-on activities and games that reinforced the Bible lessons. The weekend was jam-packed with fun and fellowship. Camp kicked off with a pizza party, worship, and brownie sundaes. The weekend was filled with fun activities including a marshmallow snowball fight, snow globe craft, gingerbread contest, snowman building contest, and an ultimate small group competition. Other favorites from the weekend included tubing down Slippery Slopes, playing basketball and soccer in the indoor gym, enjoying ice cream at PERKS Coffee Shop, a campfire with smores, and a glow dance party. Meals were great and special accommodations were made by the Potomac Parks chef for those with allergies. Chyann Mackey and Laura Waldron, both of Mt. Olive, organized the camp and served as its Co-Directors. They led a small army of volunteers who made the Southeast Region’s winter camp possible. They included Morgan Sterling (The Gathering), Avery Zimmerman, Nancy Zimmerman, Marty Dearing, and Lucy Johnson (all of Mt Olive); Drew Fox, Ronnie Helton, Kelly Helton, Kim Butner, and Tricia Haynes (all from Oak Hill). A big, big THANK YOU to all of the folks who made Camp Kairos 2025 a huge success! It was an amazing weekend, and we are excited and expectant to see the Lord move in huge ways as we continue planning summer camp. Thank you for all of your prayers and support! Chyann Mackey and Laura Waldron
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